My jawsurgery journey 



You can read all about BEFORE here! Also more in detail why I'm doing this. This is NO plastic surgery.


The 30th of January 2018.

I get to the hospital and put my things into a locker. I have a banana and chocolate with me to eat later at the evening. My mom and boyfriend Simon is with me. Everything is ready for the big day. Later that day we ate chinese food, which I love. The doctors recommended that I'd eat something I love before the 6 weeks of being forbidden to chew everything. So I chose chinese food. Yum. I had a great evening. It was a special feeling and I had butterflies in my belly the whole time. I could barely wait. When we were done we were headed towards the hospital again and I had to say my last goodbyes to my mom and Simon. It still breaks my heart that I didn't hug Simon before I left him at the parking lot. I hugged my crying mom at the corridor and shared goodbyes. We wouldn't meet tomorrow. I wouldn't be able to hug anyone before getting to sleep and I wouldn't have the strength to have visitors the same day the nurses said. 

I laid down in the cosy bed and killed some time with my phone. I couldn't believe it was tomorrow, the day I've been waiting for my whole life. The lifechanging surgery will happen, and it's TOMORROW! I was a bit nervous, but I was more excited. One nurse came and said goodnight later and told me they weren't gonna disturb me during the night since I'm fully healthy at the moment but that they were gonna have a close eye on me tomorrow night when I'm newly operated. 

I ate some banana and chocolate before midnight... I had no idea when I was gonna eat again next time.


This was the last picture I took that day before the big day the day after. Without makeup and messy hair, newly showered.






The 31st of January 2018.

I was awake before the nurses even arrived in my room to pick me up. I had already showered and dressed in the nightrob I was gonna wear during surgery. I walked around in my room like an idiot. Wasn't nervous really but I didn't know what to feel. I'm unsure if I did feel anything actually. I called my dad and mom. Both wished me luck, my mom cried. I also called my bf, like 10 times and then he picked up... It was really early but I thought he could've set an alarm for me to wish me luck. But you know, my guy and his priorities. 

But it was finally the big day! They drove me in the bed, hehe. Felt weird, being 100% healthy and people are driving me around like I was seriously injured. What I noticed what that I didn't see my surgeon before the surgery. It felt weird, some really weird thoughts appeared in my head too like "do they know how they'll do this?". I got to know afterwards that he was there but that he doesn't like to see his patients before. Anyway, I jumped off the bed and up on the table. Now was it. A lot of people were around me telling me what they would do during the surgery and so on. I really didn't pay attention and I don't remember half of it. Some said they would take care so I kept sleeping. Yeah, thanks. Don't wanna wake up with half my face cut in two. 

They put needels in my arm. I'm like more afraid of the needles than the surgery itself which is kind of ironic actually. One woman told me I was gonna get pretty dizzy when she put something into my arm and vains. That's the funniest part by being sadeted. You feel the warmth up your arm and body and you get pretty high and can't focus with your sight on anything. This was the last memory I had with an underbite. I was operated at 07:45 in the morning. 

I woke up nearly 8 hours later. Laying on a bed. Felt no pain really more than the cold of the mask they gave me on the face. I hated that mask. I could feel the cold, but not my face. It just wasn't there, I could only feel that it was some kind of weight from my eyes and down. I got pretty awake fast. I starred at people in that room where they wake people up. I just laid there and starred. One nurse even said to another, believing I didn't hear, that "what should we do with her?". It did sound hillarious but it isn't common to be that alert right after a 6 hour long surgery. The other male nurse said "she's had a pretty long surgery. She'll have to wait". I couldn't really sigh, but I did it in my head. 
When I looked to my righ I saw a catheter. I didn't know if I'd think it was cool or if I'd throw up. I had no idea I was gonna have that. And who and when did that person stick that up in me? No more details. Didn't wanna know. 

I had never had noseblood before. But now I did. A lot, which I liked somehow because I'm weird.I weren't in any pain anyway. All I could think of was that I wanted to see my boyfriend Simon and my mom. My mom by the way was staying at our apartment during this whole process. Otherwise she lives in a town 3 hours away with my dad and sister who was currently sick so my dad couldn't come as planned. 

All I could think of was how somehow obvious it was for all nurses that I wouldn't have the strength after the operation to have any visitors. They'd almost told me like I wasn't allowed to.

When a couple of nurses from the department I was going to came I was relieved. They asked, as 10 other people had already been asking, if I felt sick or something. But I didn't. It's common to feel sick after the surgery. I tried to talk but it didn't really make any sense at all. When they started to move the bed I started to feel sick. And I have a pretty huge fear, almost fobia, of throwing up so I was almost panicking inside. I got a bag to hold while they drove me away. Right before the elevator I threw up... Several deciliters of blood. It didn't taste much. Otherwise it tastes like gastric acid but now I didn't, which I got relieved over. Some patients after double jawsurgery cannot talk at all and have to write on a board to communicate. But I could talk more or less, people would just have to pay attention when I did. 

When I got to my room they had to remove this long huge tube from my nose that almost went down the whole way to my lungs. They told me to take a deep breath and breath out as much I could while they dragged out the hose. And it was disgusting and was followed by a lot of blood coming through my nose with it and after it.

They gave me a glass of water with a tip looking like something for babies. When they tried to help me drink it was more like they poured a waterfall in my face because I couldn't get any in my mouth or keep anything in my mouth. 

I had tape from ear to ear along my chin. And I knew it was that kind of glue that I'm allergic to. 

As soon as the nurses had left I took my phone from the wardrobe shaking on my legs. I messaged my mom to come and she answered "are we allowed to?" and I said "I decide" and one hour later they both came!!
I laughed even the first day. Apparently I didn't make any sense and they could barely hear what I had to say. 






 The 1st of February 2018. 

The night was long. My front teeth were HUGE. Of course they weren't and aren't bigger than before but due to the change of their position it felt weird and I couldn't breath. Neither through my bloody nose or my mouth. If I took my head back the blood from my nose flowed down my throat. If I took my head a bit forward the blood flowed and drowned my face clothes. 

I laid in my bed waiting until 13:00 to get company. Their visiting hours sucked.

My face wasn't that swallen but it got worse every day and my lips, they took over my face. I felt like a frog and first time I tried eating soup with a spoon I even missed my huge swallen mouth. Amazing? Yes. 

It was easier to eat with spoons though than pouring it in with those damn baby glasses. They kept asking if I wanted them to put my food in them but I did not want to. And once a nurse asked and I said no and she was like.. "but I'll do it" and I once again "no, I don't want to!". I probably wasn't behaving and progressing all this like most of their other patients but I got annoyed. I didn't say no to bother her, I said no because I didn't want the damn glasses. 

Anyway, I was really tired first day after the operation. I slept a lot and didn't do a thingg really. I had to visit the surgeon so he could check that everything was right. He noticed how alert and well I was and asked when I wanted to go home. Most patients are in for 3-5 days in the hospital. This was only day one. But due to be living 3 hours away he told me I could go home the day after which made me really happy because tomorrow was my dad's birthday. He would turn 50!

Mom and I didn't tell him or Olivia, my sis, about our trip home. We were gonna make it a surprise.

Oh, and I had sexy underwear!!





 The 2nd of February 2018. 

My lips covered half my face and they were also bursting and had wounds all over them. Though I had no feeling in them anyway so it didn't matter. Today was the day they where about to remove my catheter. Once again, deep breath and breath out slow and long. It was disgusting. Ish. They told me to let them know when I had gone to the toilet the first time by my own so they could take an ultrasound. This because some gets problems right after with not everything coming out. But it did for me, it all looked good but I felt pregnant, haha. 

When I then was driven by my mom in a wheelchair to the surgeon I recorded a video of me telling happy birthday to my dad as good as I could and posted it on facebook for him. When we got to the surgeon he told me to open my mouth. WHICH WAS IMPOSSIBLE. He was like "you can do more". No I could not. It would only let me open in like 0,5 centimeters. It just.. I just coiuldn't open more. It didn't hurt or anything I just couldn't. 
He checked everything and said that I could leave the same day. I had to learn how to change my rubber bands by myself. Wasn't too hard. Got a bag of them with me home also.

After the visit we got back to my room and waited for the nurse to let us go. Which took hours so my mom took off and ate lunch during this time. I got bored and asked a nurse for a towel so I could shower. She starred at me firstly like she was shocked over something. "You feel you can do that? Yourself?" and I said "yes". She asked again "I can help you if you want to" But I said I could myself. I hate people seeing my body. I'd rather fall in the shower than having someone holding me.

But it went fine. I managed to fix it by myself and I felt clean and good afterwards even though I normally hate to shower and get my hair wet. The pillow I had had during the visit was pink due to my hair. Hehe. 
A nurse came into my room and said I was gonna get a syringe. And I said "what? Am I getting that?". It was like a huge needle on it. She said she was confused about it too since I was so well so she went double check and came back with it with no good news. I was gonna get this huge needle in my belly. And right before she was gonna put it in me she said she could do it in the leg too, on the thigh and I was like YES. It did hurt when the meds got in, wasn't funny.

When we finally got a nurse to say what we wanted to, that we could leave, I was up on my feet fast. I could barely walk though, my legs were just shaking in lack of energy I had in my body. So my mom drove my down to the entrance and I walked from there to the car. Now we just had a 3 hour long cardrive home to my hometown. The guests that we'd invited in to dads birthday was gonna come around 20:00. When he got home after an afterwork. I slept all the way home.

When the guests arrived I was busy trying to eat strawberry cream with a tiny spoon. The guests kept following me one by one even though I was trying to hide since I couldn't eat properly. I kept missing my mouth and drool all over myself like a baby. That was really annoying.. lack of personal space. 

When we then heard the car outside dropping dad off I was in the hall waiting for him. And his smile he got when he saw me is not possible to discribe. "Are you here?" he said and hugged me. I was holding a huge stuffed version of Patrick Star. My dad's name is Patrik. Not many seconds after that he saw people behind me and started to smile. I believe he got really happy over this. When he was dropped off he had told his collegues that he was gonna be home all by himself on his 50th birthday. How sad. He told us however that he'd planned on driving up to us the same day. Imagine the confusion it wouldv'e been if we were there and he was here. 






 The 3rd of February 2018. 


And so the struggle began. At the evenings everything had gone down in my face and it was fine. The worst part was the mornings. Waking up not feeling your face and it tickles. You try to scratch but you cannot find the source. It felt like my skin was sleeping. It was stinging. And my skin started slowly to become a palette. I went outside for the first time and walked a bit. It took all the energy I had however. 

I had the first mental breakdown at the evening when we had dinner. I just couldn't take it. People were complaining how full they were and chewing loudly. They joked around with and about me, how I couldn't eat and how they would make special stuff for me to eat with and so on so I got mad and then I started to cry. It wasn't a fun journey.

Each day, waking up, feeling your face if more swallen and you look gross..

These are following pictures from 3rd - 7th in the right order. It got worse.

I looked a bit like Quasimodo actually.
As the last picture, you can see the extreme red color. It was because of the tape. It took my skin about 5-6 days before it realized it had been exposed to the tape haha. The small squares is where two stitches are on each side. They used a small whole in the skin to take in a two screws.

The marks and bruises are normal to appear a few days later. But exactly 7 days after I got a fever and my right side swell up more than before. So I got antibiothics.





 Today the 12th February 2018 

Taking away stitches day!
Worst_Day_Ever. During my whole journey, it never hurt when I did stuff. It only stretched a bit and felt weird. But taking out the stitches hurt like a bitch. It bled a lot too, felt like I was drowning in my own blood. It didn't take many minutes but it was the worst thing I've gone trough. Not to mention that she missed FIVE sticthes I had to cut out myself home 3 hours away from the doctor. I could've cut myself or something. I left a complaint on her however. Wasn't professionally done.






 Today the 10th March 2018 

I started to work again the 23rd of February.
I am still swallen, 5,5 weeks after. Not as much ofcourse. I question it everyday. Was it worth it? Because I feel like, sure, it's an amazing feeling to be able to bite together properly. But when I look in the mirror... I'm ugly. I recognize my eyes. I recognize me, but I'm uglier than before and I'm not less insecure. I still feel like my chin is huge and I know they sew something wrong on my upper lip. I can feel it because it hurts when i take my lip down, like when sucking on a straw for an example. I can't because it hurts and I can't describe the feeling. Nothing else hurts anymore.

6 weeks of not being allowed of chewing is over. I can eat normally, almost. I can't open my mouth correctly yet. Can't even get a banana in. I bite my tongue every day also, haha.