I'm writing this because I want it out of my system.
I started my internship on the 16th of May, and the last day will be on the 8th of July (luckily).
Because they didn't allow me to do much, I decided to make this VP account, and so far it's been an okay time killer.
The reason why I write this is because of how poorly they've been treating me here.
I don't wanna admit it, but I guess I have to give in that I'm indeed pretty shy, especially when I have to surround myself with people I don't know at all. So it's not weird if I'd be more quiet, of course.
So my intern mentor/boss is this lady, around 45 years old maybe, has 3 kids around my age and is overall pretty nice (at least, she acts nice).
After 3 weeks of working here, I had to make an appointment with my mentor from school to check up on me, we did, mentor came and there we were, 3 people sitting at the wooden table. Quite nerve wrecking, but I tried to stay cool.
The intern mentor was pleased with the work I deliver (copy pasting all kinds of data into an excel sheet, boring shit).
But there it comes, she commented on my social skills, she thought it was weird that a 19 y/o isn't bubbly, outgoing and full of energy. I couldn't say a lot, cause it's true, I have problems with it, whether it's shyness or pure anxiety, I do have a hard time to get up from my chair to ask something. But I've been forcing myself to do it.
When the discussion about me being quiet was done, my school mentor left and I wrote my report. I decided to try my best to be more social, but soon enough I realised that no one was interested to talk to me.
Note: my internship only exist of 4 people;
- Intern mentor, a woman around 45 y/o
- General manager, an old guy around 80 y/o
- Account manager 1, guy around 50 y/o
- Account manager 2, guy around 21 y/o
The intern mentor, general manger and account manager 1 are family; daughter, dad, son. And then you got the 21 y/o manager that has been around for quite a while and is close to them.
Feeling left out already, yes, but they rarely talk to each other about personal stuff, if anyting they just show each other pictures of their children.
So, back to the story, after the first talk with my school mentor, I noticed how my intern mentor pretty much stopped talking to me. But I was okay with it, I mean if she has nothing to say, then everything should fine, right?
Second appointment with my school mentor, I felt tense, I had to go to the first floor to pick her up, I work at this huge building with a lot of office rooms, and a safety rule here is to pick up your guest, no probs.
My school mentor was straight to the point when we all sat down, asked me what was up and I could just feel at my right side how my intern mentor was staring. So again, all the work was fine an here it comes, school mentor asked me if I improved on my social skills, and I simply said "no". This is basically how the convo went:
School mentor: "So about last conversation, I believe the intern mentor asked you a few things to change?"
Me: "Yes, she asked me to smile more, talk more and overall be more active. I couldn't do it."
School mentor: "And why is that exactly?"
Me: "I feel very uncomfortable doing that, I am not like that and I've always struggled with it."
School mentor: "Intern mentor, do you have anything to add?"
Intern mentor: "No, she is totally right, she does her job well, but I gave up on her. She can't even simply ask if we want coffee."
Account manager: "That's right! She is not even a real Chinese person, I have so many Chinese friends in China, and none of them are like her, she is not a real Chinese person!"
School mentor: "But you can't decide someones personality through nationality, she is not born in China, she is just like any other kid that grew up here."
Account manager: "I didn't even say anything about her nationality!"
And so on till the convo just got a bit too dragged down, I stood up, walked to the hallway, really holding back tears, cause even though I don't care about these people, their critisism hurt.
My questions were; how are you giving up on someone if you never bothered to help, especially when you know that that person may find it hard, you can help someone take the first step, simple. It;s not as if I don't know how to ask someone if they want to drink, heck, I'm a waitress, but I don't wanna bother someone that seems busy typing bullshit while staring at their computer screen.
How am I suppose to smile if I'm staring a comp screen for 8.30 hours, or suppose to suddenly crawl out of my shell and become someone that I'm not?
Fuck it though, 2 days to go and I'm out. |
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