things I wasn't expecting today - Forum

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Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
I mean it sucks because if anyone had ever noticed, I may not have struggled so much? but also it's comforting to know some things were not totally my fault...

youre actually quite young to get this information now as a woman we dont get diagnoses the way we should.

but also youre entitled to mourn a bit if you want the things that could have been if you hadnt had to struggle imo.

One thing I hate is having to be on meds, not because I have an aversion to medication, but because it adds this extra level of "what am I gonna do..." if I ever lose my health insurance again - as so often happens here.

I kept picking my cymbalta up for months after I stopped taking it just in case I ever found someone who couldn't afford theirs - because it's terrifying to have to just stop medication. expired as fuck now tho

i pay for all my psych shit out of pocket. i wanted to keep the same doctor and therapist after i was off my parents insurance and on medicaid and they dont take medicaid so i just pay cash.

my medicine is supposed to be like 130 or something like that but CVS applies a coupon for me and i pay 30 bucks for a month supply. which is affordable. thats a dollar a day to not go thru withdrawal and get suicidey lmao. kind of a steal lol.

my point is theres always options and this isnt a thing you should worry about at this juncture. when the time comes to worry get a doctor to give a threemonth supply which tehY CAN do and then youll have time to find your solution.

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Ground wrote:
must be quite the shock but also an explanation of ur mood swings / episodes

got my diagnosis through my mom noticing me having severe changes in moods over a short amount of time, n she suspected bipolar because she herself has it
for me it was having the feeling of taking over the whole world (spending money, being impulsive, no1 could take me down etc etc) to then totally falling into a deep whole of just wanting to die, n then a day later being on top of the world again

so deffo a diagnose that can be inherited
but as it can be, u can technically have bipolar but never come to a big moment in ur life that could actually trigger it to start, n it was like that for my mom until she started to do bad in her 40's got her diagnosis at like 49 while i got mine at 19/20 n showed signs 1-2 years earlier

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Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:
i think this is mostly good news and im glad you were able to have this appointment and a week will go by before you know it. i'd make a list on paper of any questions that come up during the week.

Yeah I've been starting writing down my mood stuff in my regular planner, because I'm also trying to find my pain triggers as well.

she's heavily encouraging me to try and get a referral to a rheumatologist as well, which I will, but I'll probably wait until these meds are in my system and my head is more clear and have some more of that documented.

Entheos
National star

Entheos wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Strawbee wrote:
Hi sweetness I’m bipolar 2 so if you ever have any questions or just need to talk to someone who understands don’t hesitate to PM me! It was definitely hard for me to accept at first as well and I actually went and got a second and third opinion.

She didn't give me a 1 or 2, not sure why. I meant to ask but I was kinda in shock.
It's common for them to leave it vague though because you have to have a diagnosis on the first visit for medicaid insurance to cover psychiatry in the US, so perhaps I'll find out which one later.

I wish my next therapy session wasn't a week later tho cuz I kinda just get to sit with this for a while lol

Do you by any chance know how to recognize mania in yourself personally? The main difference between 1 & 2 is that those with bipolar 1 experience full blown mania whereas those with bipolar 2 experience hypomania more often. BUT as far as diagnostics in the US you should have been experiencing mania for AT LEAST 7 days to be diagnosed with bipolar so if you haven’t experienced mania I would definitely ask for a second opinion!

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Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
I had a crazy episode like a week or two ago and honestly, yeah, she's right. If a friend of mine was behaving how I was, I'd definitely assume they were manic. I can't be in denial about it. I just was kinda hoping it wasn't it lol.

but bipolar is also one of the things they've been testing my mom for (she's in court ordered therapy bc I had to have her committed about a year ago) and my psych said that there's a 50% chance of a kid having it with one parent having it, and 75% if both parents have it, and I don't know who my dad is so, who the hell knows if he had it too

its so much easier to see things in other people than in ourselves you know. its near impossible to recognize mania when youre experiencing it.

maybe impossible idk anyone who is like able to be like 'oh im manic' like while its happening lol its always later like 'oh shit yea i was manic'

I mean I definitely knew what I was dealing with wasn't normal, and I did use the word manic even tho I was apprehensive to do so.

I described it to the psych as being like the first few hours of coming up on LSD, like you feel frantic and like you need to be doing something but you don't know what so you just do everything and you feel crazy and then all of a sudden you smoke a bowl and it chills out and you look around and everything is - metaphorically - on fire.

tbh doing acid well over a hundred times in college probably didn't help matters, but this woulda come up eventually with or without drug use

lol idk it sounds to me like doing acid helped give you language to describe ur brain. lol.

self medicating with weed is super common for bipolar too thats another thing.

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Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:
youre actually quite young to get this information now as a woman we dont get diagnoses the way we should.

but also youre entitled to mourn a bit if you want the things that could have been if you hadnt had to struggle imo.

One thing I hate is having to be on meds, not because I have an aversion to medication, but because it adds this extra level of "what am I gonna do..." if I ever lose my health insurance again - as so often happens here.

I kept picking my cymbalta up for months after I stopped taking it just in case I ever found someone who couldn't afford theirs - because it's terrifying to have to just stop medication. expired as fuck now tho

i pay for all my psych shit out of pocket. i wanted to keep the same doctor and therapist after i was off my parents insurance and on medicaid and they dont take medicaid so i just pay cash.

my medicine is supposed to be like 130 or something like that but CVS applies a coupon for me and i pay 30 bucks for a month supply. which is affordable. thats a dollar a day to not go thru withdrawal and get suicidey lmao. kind of a steal lol.

my point is theres always options and this isnt a thing you should worry about at this juncture. when the time comes to worry get a doctor to give a threemonth supply which tehY CAN do and then youll have time to find your solution.

yeah and the counseling center I have my therapist and psych through also have caseworkers I could apply for to help me with insurance, ebt, and if it ever came to it, disability or housing.

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Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
One thing I hate is having to be on meds, not because I have an aversion to medication, but because it adds this extra level of "what am I gonna do..." if I ever lose my health insurance again - as so often happens here.

I kept picking my cymbalta up for months after I stopped taking it just in case I ever found someone who couldn't afford theirs - because it's terrifying to have to just stop medication. expired as fuck now tho

i pay for all my psych shit out of pocket. i wanted to keep the same doctor and therapist after i was off my parents insurance and on medicaid and they dont take medicaid so i just pay cash.

my medicine is supposed to be like 130 or something like that but CVS applies a coupon for me and i pay 30 bucks for a month supply. which is affordable. thats a dollar a day to not go thru withdrawal and get suicidey lmao. kind of a steal lol.

my point is theres always options and this isnt a thing you should worry about at this juncture. when the time comes to worry get a doctor to give a threemonth supply which tehY CAN do and then youll have time to find your solution.

yeah and the counseling center I have my therapist and psych through also have caseworkers I could apply for to help me with insurance, ebt, and if it ever came to it, disability or housing.

right so dont start doing the 'what if i lose my insurance someday' thing.

'what if' is not useful.

that said im real bad with the what if myself but its not useful shit.

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Barbarella wrote:

Strawbee wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Strawbee wrote:
Hi sweetness I’m bipolar 2 so if you ever have any questions or just need to talk to someone who understands don’t hesitate to PM me! It was definitely hard for me to accept at first as well and I actually went and got a second and third opinion.

She didn't give me a 1 or 2, not sure why. I meant to ask but I was kinda in shock.
It's common for them to leave it vague though because you have to have a diagnosis on the first visit for medicaid insurance to cover psychiatry in the US, so perhaps I'll find out which one later.

I wish my next therapy session wasn't a week later tho cuz I kinda just get to sit with this for a while lol

Do you by any chance know how to recognize mania in yourself personally? The main difference between 1 & 2 is that those with bipolar 1 experience full blown mania whereas those with bipolar 2 experience hypomania more often. BUT as far as diagnostics in the US you should have been experiencing mania for AT LEAST 7 days to be diagnosed with bipolar so if you haven’t experienced mania I would definitely ask for a second opinion!

Yeah I went through over ten days of totally irrational behavior and I even had like, more physical strength than usual, I barely slept and started tons of projects, but I was also incredibly like, fragile, I was snapping at my cats for...being cats, I was getting overstimulated by a loud ceiling fan, or trying to track down humming sounds that weren't there.
I'm still amazed that I managed to pull this THICK WOODY VINE off a tree with my bare hands, and now, I can't even lift the damn thing to drag it to the fire pit.

Entheos
National star

Entheos wrote:
And also you are 100% correct that you’re entitled to mourn the “what could’ve been” I’ve been mentally and physically disabled my entire life and I still mourn for what my life could’ve been. It doesn’t make you weak, it’s just part of a grieving process that some ppl are lucky enough to not have to understand. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’ve come to terms with it, and sometimes you just have to scream and cry about how unfair it is, both are valid feelings.

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Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

Claire wrote:
its so much easier to see things in other people than in ourselves you know. its near impossible to recognize mania when youre experiencing it.

maybe impossible idk anyone who is like able to be like 'oh im manic' like while its happening lol its always later like 'oh shit yea i was manic'

I mean I definitely knew what I was dealing with wasn't normal, and I did use the word manic even tho I was apprehensive to do so.

I described it to the psych as being like the first few hours of coming up on LSD, like you feel frantic and like you need to be doing something but you don't know what so you just do everything and you feel crazy and then all of a sudden you smoke a bowl and it chills out and you look around and everything is - metaphorically - on fire.

tbh doing acid well over a hundred times in college probably didn't help matters, but this woulda come up eventually with or without drug use

lol idk it sounds to me like doing acid helped give you language to describe ur brain. lol.

self medicating with weed is super common for bipolar too thats another thing.

Honestly that's exactly how I feel about acid. Like, I'm not doing it anymore, but I've found that while all my friends had these "spiritual experiences" i was just trying to figure out what my brain was doing, and why.

"this telekinesis is not real, I am just alone and trying to not be"
stuff like that