How to FIND YOURSELF? - Forum

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
also u don't have to know stuff !
just try things out and see for yourself if u like them or not
no1 else can tell u what to do because it must be something u urself wanna do / try out
n if u don't like one thing, try another !
getting out of ur comfortzone is a step that u will have to take sooner or later to let urself explore who u are as a person !

Yeah that’s my issue I think?? I don’t wanna do anything. I have no dreams or goals or aspirations. I mostly only exist in relation to others, and I’ve always done that. I know some people say that in order to find your thing, you should go back to your childhood and look at who you were before social expectations started to affect you, but for me it’s always been social expectations. I’ve lived my whole life just trying to fit in with different groups of people and it’s gotten to the point where the only place I feel like I can just be me and exist is in the company of 30+ alcoholics with mental issues. And that’s not who I am.

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

Barbarella wrote:
I was so resistant to this, I thought I could be different, the exception to the rule
but you're right, so right it hurts lol
I was single for 2 years before I even felt like I was beginning to know who I was

it's so vital to get to know yourself and your own identity and that personal growth can only be done FULLY when you suddenly are alone and to learn how to exist without always relying on a partner/parent/guardian etc etc (not saying people should be irresponsible,, i ofc mean when ur 18+ and have the economy to live on ur own)
ur the most vulnerable when ur alone, and that's when the growing will start
it will teach you to do things for yourself and how to handle obstacles
that's why i've personally don't rush with getting a partner because i know i must first learn how to be by myself and find out who i am so i can be secure within myself and how i portray myself to a potential future partner
personal growth like that is rly rly healthy for ur mind, so i'm rly proud of u !

So what you’re saying is I should just get rid of this person that I love and who hasn’t been an asshole? That doesn’t seem right

never said that,, but ur asking how to find yourself and i'm just implying it will be hard when u haven't rly been on ur own for a longer period of time
ofc u shouldn't get rid of him
but then again maybe personal development won't work as well
if ur happy with where ur at that's rly good
but u said urself that u barely was alone before u found him and my only concern is that u don't know who u are without a partner, but this can only u know

u could still develop but it will for sure be harder because u would still have to try to be an individual with ur own needs and interests and i usually find that hard if u have people in ur way that could sway u to comply to their interests and identity

Private
Popstar

autism wrote:
no boyfriend

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
also u don't have to know stuff !
just try things out and see for yourself if u like them or not
no1 else can tell u what to do because it must be something u urself wanna do / try out
n if u don't like one thing, try another !
getting out of ur comfortzone is a step that u will have to take sooner or later to let urself explore who u are as a person !

Yeah that’s my issue I think?? I don’t wanna do anything. I have no dreams or goals or aspirations. I mostly only exist in relation to others, and I’ve always done that. I know some people say that in order to find your thing, you should go back to your childhood and look at who you were before social expectations started to affect you, but for me it’s always been social expectations. I’ve lived my whole life just trying to fit in with different groups of people and it’s gotten to the point where the only place I feel like I can just be me and exist is in the company of 30+ alcoholics with mental issues. And that’s not who I am.

i think this sounds like something that a curator, therapist or something along those lines could help u with
ur childhood can for sure be a product of who u are today but then again, do u want change to happen ? do u want to work for it?
i feel it must be something u would actually want to do, not strangers on the internet like me telling u to do
after all i don't know u, only u know urself
i think that a great network of support allowing u to explore is what u need, without judgement

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Barbarella wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nesta wrote:
No. It wouldn't. It would rather mean that you might want to take more time to yourself to tune into how you really feel and think about things on your own. E.g. An hour in the day whenever you have time. And if you don't know what to think about then there's a thousand prompts to google around this topic.

You may want to move alone to grow, but I won't tell you that is a must. Maybe you'll figure that's what you need first? Or maybe not? You don't have to start there to start. You can start exactly where you are now.

You know, I don’t even know what “finding yourself” or “getting to know yourself” means

For me it was the ability to discern which of my traits were truly me, even when I was alone, and which traits were just interests, mannerisms, and styles I picked up to best suit the folks I was surrounded by.

When I’m alone, all I do is listen to music and daydream. You know, aside from dealing with all the practical aspects of adulthood, such as keeping my home in a ok condition... which in itself takes up a lot of time. But yeah, daydreaming. That’s really the one thing I do. Always has been. I don’t really read, watch tv, none of that. Sometimes I go online and read about stuff. And then I daydream some more.

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
it's so vital to get to know yourself and your own identity and that personal growth can only be done FULLY when you suddenly are alone and to learn how to exist without always relying on a partner/parent/guardian etc etc (not saying people should be irresponsible,, i ofc mean when ur 18+ and have the economy to live on ur own)
ur the most vulnerable when ur alone, and that's when the growing will start
it will teach you to do things for yourself and how to handle obstacles
that's why i've personally don't rush with getting a partner because i know i must first learn how to be by myself and find out who i am so i can be secure within myself and how i portray myself to a potential future partner
personal growth like that is rly rly healthy for ur mind, so i'm rly proud of u !

So what you’re saying is I should just get rid of this person that I love and who hasn’t been an asshole? That doesn’t seem right

never said that,, but ur asking how to find yourself and i'm just implying it will be hard when u haven't rly been on ur own for a longer period of time
ofc u shouldn't get rid of him
but then again maybe personal development won't work as well
if ur happy with where ur at that's rly good
but u said urself that u barely was alone before u found him and my only concern is that u don't know who u are without a partner, but this can only u know

u could still develop but it will for sure be harder because u would still have to try to be an individual with ur own needs and interests and i usually find that hard if u have people in ur way that could sway u to comply to their interests and identity

I mean I was alone for two or so years in my late teens but I feel like shit has changed since then. Mostly my age. That has definitely changed. My moods? Not so much. I’ve read my old threads. I’m still obviously 18 years old mentally so eh
it sucks

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:
So what you’re saying is I should just get rid of this person that I love and who hasn’t been an asshole? That doesn’t seem right

never said that,, but ur asking how to find yourself and i'm just implying it will be hard when u haven't rly been on ur own for a longer period of time
ofc u shouldn't get rid of him
but then again maybe personal development won't work as well
if ur happy with where ur at that's rly good
but u said urself that u barely was alone before u found him and my only concern is that u don't know who u are without a partner, but this can only u know

u could still develop but it will for sure be harder because u would still have to try to be an individual with ur own needs and interests and i usually find that hard if u have people in ur way that could sway u to comply to their interests and identity

I mean I was alone for two or so years in my late teens but I feel like shit has changed since then. Mostly my age. That has definitely changed. My moods? Not so much. I’ve read my old threads. I’m still obviously 18 years old mentally so eh
it sucks

would u say that time was good or do u think it's better when ur with people?

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
also u don't have to know stuff !
just try things out and see for yourself if u like them or not
no1 else can tell u what to do because it must be something u urself wanna do / try out
n if u don't like one thing, try another !
getting out of ur comfortzone is a step that u will have to take sooner or later to let urself explore who u are as a person !

Yeah that’s my issue I think?? I don’t wanna do anything. I have no dreams or goals or aspirations. I mostly only exist in relation to others, and I’ve always done that. I know some people say that in order to find your thing, you should go back to your childhood and look at who you were before social expectations started to affect you, but for me it’s always been social expectations. I’ve lived my whole life just trying to fit in with different groups of people and it’s gotten to the point where the only place I feel like I can just be me and exist is in the company of 30+ alcoholics with mental issues. And that’s not who I am.

i think this sounds like something that a curator, therapist or something along those lines could help u with
ur childhood can for sure be a product of who u are today but then again, do u want change to happen ? do u want to work for it?
i feel it must be something u would actually want to do, not strangers on the internet like me telling u to do
after all i don't know u, only u know urself
i think that a great network of support allowing u to explore is what u need, without judgement

I know, I know. It’s just hard to afford a therapist, you know? Because I’d have to cough up the money for it since I’m not actually suffering from bad mental health or shit like that. I’m just going through some kind of age related crisis where nothing suddenly is what it has been and I’ve no idea what anything can become. I’m lost and that’s an issue, but it’s not mental illness. And I’m not really that rich lol I need a car and a drivers license

and yes I want change and I need change
its just hard to figure out how or where to even begin and it’s sort of making me miserable

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
never said that,, but ur asking how to find yourself and i'm just implying it will be hard when u haven't rly been on ur own for a longer period of time
ofc u shouldn't get rid of him
but then again maybe personal development won't work as well
if ur happy with where ur at that's rly good
but u said urself that u barely was alone before u found him and my only concern is that u don't know who u are without a partner, but this can only u know

u could still develop but it will for sure be harder because u would still have to try to be an individual with ur own needs and interests and i usually find that hard if u have people in ur way that could sway u to comply to their interests and identity

I mean I was alone for two or so years in my late teens but I feel like shit has changed since then. Mostly my age. That has definitely changed. My moods? Not so much. I’ve read my old threads. I’m still obviously 18 years old mentally so eh
it sucks

would u say that time was good or do u think it's better when ur with people?

I wouldn’t say any time has been that good really. At least back then I was in high school and had a bunch of friends and could go out and do shit because I wasn’t living in the middle of nowhere and also I only had to work like every other weekend so that was good... but those are all completely different things. Being alone? I don’t really remember. I drank a lot of wine at that time in life.

MissLondon
World famous

MissLondon wrote:
How did you change things
when you experienced this before?

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
How did you change things
when you experienced this before?

Did I ever experience this before? Did I really do anything about it?

idk the last time I was tired of life I was 19 and went on a 6 month bar hopping drinking binge with my friends only to meet a guy and move in with him within basically weeks only to realize he was an asshole yet staying with him until he kicked me out when I was 23

at least I think that’s how it happened

Private
World famous

Ground wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:
Yeah that’s my issue I think?? I don’t wanna do anything. I have no dreams or goals or aspirations. I mostly only exist in relation to others, and I’ve always done that. I know some people say that in order to find your thing, you should go back to your childhood and look at who you were before social expectations started to affect you, but for me it’s always been social expectations. I’ve lived my whole life just trying to fit in with different groups of people and it’s gotten to the point where the only place I feel like I can just be me and exist is in the company of 30+ alcoholics with mental issues. And that’s not who I am.

i think this sounds like something that a curator, therapist or something along those lines could help u with
ur childhood can for sure be a product of who u are today but then again, do u want change to happen ? do u want to work for it?
i feel it must be something u would actually want to do, not strangers on the internet like me telling u to do
after all i don't know u, only u know urself
i think that a great network of support allowing u to explore is what u need, without judgement

I know, I know. It’s just hard to afford a therapist, you know? Because I’d have to cough up the money for it since I’m not actually suffering from bad mental health or shit like that. I’m just going through some kind of age related crisis where nothing suddenly is what it has been and I’ve no idea what anything can become. I’m lost and that’s an issue, but it’s not mental illness. And I’m not really that rich lol I need a car and a drivers license

and yes I want change and I need change
its just hard to figure out how or where to even begin and it’s sort of making me miserable

maybe ungdomsmottagningen would be a first step? they could always give u advice and maybe let u know what they think,, like if u would need more help in terms of professional mental health people or maybe more of a life coach or something like that
i still don't think ur struggles are 2 little to have therapy / talks for

i think it's more of a having to start somewhere,, u can't possibly do stuff all at once, that's unrealistic
u need to figure out what parts of u, that u wanna work on
is it maybe socially ? then maybe a contact person would be good
if it's ur personality ? maybe the psychiatry could help u work out how to get to know urself
past trauma ? psych would be good as well
get to the root of the problem u know,, maybe ur shutting things out making u feel like this,, but once again i can't know what types of stuff has landed u to feel this way

but yeah don't be afraid to contact people, ur worthy of help and u shouldn't be ashamed of it either
lots of people struggle and it's ok

Private
National star

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:

scoff wrote:

Nice wrote:
i think this sounds like something that a curator, therapist or something along those lines could help u with
ur childhood can for sure be a product of who u are today but then again, do u want change to happen ? do u want to work for it?
i feel it must be something u would actually want to do, not strangers on the internet like me telling u to do
after all i don't know u, only u know urself
i think that a great network of support allowing u to explore is what u need, without judgement

I know, I know. It’s just hard to afford a therapist, you know? Because I’d have to cough up the money for it since I’m not actually suffering from bad mental health or shit like that. I’m just going through some kind of age related crisis where nothing suddenly is what it has been and I’ve no idea what anything can become. I’m lost and that’s an issue, but it’s not mental illness. And I’m not really that rich lol I need a car and a drivers license

and yes I want change and I need change
its just hard to figure out how or where to even begin and it’s sort of making me miserable

maybe ungdomsmottagningen would be a first step? they could always give u advice and maybe let u know what they think,, like if u would need more help in terms of professional mental health people or maybe more of a life coach or something like that
i still don't think ur struggles are 2 little to have therapy / talks for

i think it's more of a having to start somewhere,, u can't possibly do stuff all at once, that's unrealistic
u need to figure out what parts of u, that u wanna work on
is it maybe socially ? then maybe a contact person would be good
if it's ur personality ? maybe the psychiatry could help u work out how to get to know urself
past trauma ? psych would be good as well
get to the root of the problem u know,, maybe ur shutting things out making u feel like this,, but once again i can't know what types of stuff has landed u to feel this way

but yeah don't be afraid to contact people, ur worthy of help and u shouldn't be ashamed of it either
lots of people struggle and it's ok

I’m too old for ungdomsmottagningen
they only accept you until you turn 23 and I’m 24

I think a therapist would be a good thing perhaps, only issue is I’d have to pay out of pocket eh
i think I could possibly manage that, but then there’s also the travel and train tickets aren’t free and I also don’t work on a schedule meaning I could get a call in the morning asking me to come in on the afternoon and... idk everything is so hard
but I think it would be good
but then also what would I even say to them? I have this thing that whenever I’ve tried this before I just tell them I’m well and it was pms uhm

MissLondon
World famous

MissLondon wrote:

scoff wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
How did you change things
when you experienced this before?

Did I ever experience this before? Did I really do anything about it?

idk the last time I was tired of life I was 19 and went on a 6 month bar hopping drinking binge with my friends only to meet a guy and move in with him within basically weeks only to realize he was an asshole yet staying with him until he kicked me out when I was 23

at least I think that’s how it happened

I’m not sure I didn’t keep up with the story.
Idk how things are in your country
but if you’re tired of things
change them..starting with using some
of your savings for mental health
Instead of being upset that you have to pay
think of it as an INVESTMENT in YOURSELF
good luck!

Private
National star

scoff wrote:
It’s so frustrating tho because there is no me to fall back on for me?? I don’t think I have an actual personality or anything???? For as long as I can remember I’ve just done everything everyone else does the same way that they do it, in my early teens (like everyone else) even going to the extremes turning myself outside in order to be just like my friends in every aspect of life without looking like I was copying them
then in high school I sorta found other people to try and be like and adapted some kind of fuck you fuck all persona idk honestly I mostly just listened to rock music, wore old flannels and drank a lot and didn’t care about school

and now here I am as an adult and I’ve literally no clue who the fuck I am? Am I even? You know what I mean? The last time I remember not just trying to be whatever I thought was right at the moment, I was 6 years old and you can’t really compare to that because it’s a small child... and btw all I did then was getting into trouble and getting into arguments with other kids so yeah