Nice wrote:Rouya wrote:Nice wrote:
i do have the daily activity center twice a week n my goal is to be able to hold speeches abt my experiences !
so i don't rly 'work' in the normal sense of the term,, but my working ability is at 25% currently, therefor me having lots of spare time
i do have 2 mentors rly and it's very individual ,, which that specific center caters to due to my problems working in teams,, so this place is rly for me !
but in terms of socialisation, it's more so with adults, i am an adult myself but what i mean is 30+
so i don't rly talk with people my age as i find it rather difficult to find common ground
i would say it's a mix of both u know! like at times i wish i just functioned 'normally' and would be able to just go out and get friends and just enjoy daily life more
but then again, that would make me rly anxious because for me it takes ages before i trust a person and i can easily take things the wrong way making it very problematic for my brain to compute with
i usually say that i have 'contacts' rather than friends, due to me being able to distance myself in a way,, there isn't as much responsibility or pressure for me when i know i meet my 'contacts'
i do like being by myself but it can't be for too long cause then i get rly anxious
i am a person who likes talking with people (after having done lots of therapy myself to overcome my social fears) and sometimes that's a problem because i only have a limited amount of people i can talk to
i'm sorry u feel like ur 'wrong' but personally i don't think so,, it's just a bit complicated for u and i would bet it could be because it's harder to understand what people mean / want or / and you need to feel that certain trust to a person to be able to continue a relationship that then turns into friendship
like i feel u in so many ways and i know it's hard but the problem here isn't u, ur totally fine
it's more so that the world isn't made for people with autism
the bolded out part is especially what im struggling with
like i wish i could function 'normally' and make friends bc it seems like it would just be so much easier, and i dont know any people like me irl so the only ones i have to compare myself to is neurotypicals who just 'do things', you know? they just go out, hang out with friends, meet people, not thinking about it that much. i just overanalyze so much and every thing is such a drain on my energy
but i as well love talking to people, so it's a problem that it's so draining to do the thing i want to all the time, bc i too get anxious if i spend too much time alone. it's like if i'm alone for too long, my brain starts doing some weird things, overanalysing
i wish i had more ppl to talk to but it's not just
any ppl, bc in reality i wish i had more ppl to talk to who were like me, you know
i have such a hard time maintaining new friendships. i dont struggle with making new friends, but i just lose them again quickly, bc unless i feel that 'connection' of them understanding me, then i dont trust them and cant maintain a friendship with them. i have experienced so many times where ppl consider me their friend while in my head they are nothing more than a 'contact' to me bc they aren't 'safe' people to me
aghh i think im just beginning to be fed up about being autistic and alone about it while still trying to fit into this neurotypical world and making neurotypical friends
i feel u so much on that,, n i guess the reason as to why i only have 1 friend is because that friend is rly similar to me, she has experienced a lot as well n we just get along very well but other than that i find it impossible to find people my age, because they don't understand how i function or what i want,, esp if they're not autistic n it's just annoying having to explaining everything to everyone
it's rly hard to get that trust,, n more often than not people have used my kindness n my ability to listen n be there for them so ofc i'm very hesitant to even start a friendship to begin with
honestly, same
but i'm starting to accept the fact more n more that i'm autistic n it can't be cured,, so instead i have to make the best out of it
i still do search for the balance of having enough of contacts but not for it to be 2 much
it's a process i guess
what i fear i don't want, n that's one of the main autistic traits for me
security and safety is everything, if that doesn't work the whole world crashes
most likely as to why i don't search for friends in the first place
the disappointment is worse than anything else
and i refuse to be disappointed yet again
so i'm stuck, i feel like?? but maybe that will change when i'll eventually will hold speeches
ye im beginning to get very frustrated with having to explain everything to everyone constantly as well... it's hard to maintain a friendship with someone who never understands you, never tries to understand you and you have to explain everything with the fear of being misunderstood every single time. plus the explaining drains soooo much energy, it's just exhausting
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