age gaps in hook ups relationships - Forum

Heist
National Star

heist wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

heist wrote:
woah this is the one issue vp gets puritanical about lol

honestly my bigger objection is that they're your coworker tbh even if you're going to quit they're kind of like embedded in your current and maybe ongoing social circle which makes casual *** tricky

Fortunately they are not embedded in my circle. Like I've said before I dont typically hang out with ppl that young. We developed a friendship by chance. So if we did hook up after I quit I dont think itd be an issue.

I dated and moved in with a coworker (he was a year younger than me). The drama was terrible, especially since we broke up while still working together. Never again.

yeah i'd still say it might be hard to keep things casual if you're already friends like claire was saying you start fucking someone and your brain has a funny way of running away with things no matter how hard you try but that's a risk you take having sex with anyone 19 or not

MissLondon
World Famous

MissLondon wrote:

Claire wrote:

MissLondon wrote:

Claire wrote:
im litearlly 31 and would get attached to anyone i might fuck oxytocin is an addictive substance lmfao

I wish more people were this open about attachment
especially women…fwb seldom works

like chemically your brain does shit during sex that makes you wanna be near that person. but people think they can like logic their way out of those feelings which is kinda actually ironiccally irrational and not logical at all lol and some people can have fwb i guess but not as many people can as thinkk they can

Take note of the date
because I may never agree with you again
as much as I do now

idc what it’s defined as
if we hook up 3+
my brain, emotions etc
are singing, “yep, that’s my man!”
the logic is gone

Private
World Famous

Evey wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
Maybe you should have asked this
in another thread.
another user posted about
hooking up with a 51 y/o
and the replies weren’t condemning
🤷🏾‍♀️

i feel like the other thread was made as in "this is what i do and i own it" and this one was more "i want to hear your opinions, is this ok" which invites people to say how it is

Private
World Famous

Claire wrote:

MissLondon wrote:

Claire wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
I wish more people were this open about attachment
especially women…fwb seldom works

like chemically your brain does shit during sex that makes you wanna be near that person. but people think they can like logic their way out of those feelings which is kinda actually ironiccally irrational and not logical at all lol and some people can have fwb i guess but not as many people can as thinkk they can

Take note of the date
because I may never agree with you again
as much as I do now

idc what it’s defined as
if we hook up 3+
my brain, emotions etc
are singing, “yep, that’s my man!”
the logic is gone

lmfao london omg

lol

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:
Do they wanna do stuff w u or is it just u that u know of that wants to do anything

As friends? Yeah. We've hung out together a few times outside work, they invited me to a ween concert they wanted to go to with a friend (tho it cancelled) and they also said I could hang out with them on the fourth if my date flaked but like they didnt message me but yeah. Oh and we apartment hunt together.

Sexually? No. Not as far as I can tell. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were the one making the move you know? But they are also a very shy person

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
Maybe you should have asked this
in another thread.
another user posted about
hooking up with a 51 y/o
and the replies weren’t condemning
🤷🏾‍♀️

Yeah I cant speak for the op but I draw the line there. I've hung out with ppl 40+ but like dating lol no if you could pass for my parent not interested.

My 51 year old coworker keeps offering triana and I to room with him but when riley (23 year old male) asked he declined. That's fucking weird. But I'm probs a hypocrite.

Also I'm not opposed to the objection. Just acidreflux b/c I think they're arguing in bad faith and letting their sexually conservative views bias them, but I don't think anyone else is misrepresenting me and lots of good things to consider have been brought up from the opposing party.

Private
World Famous

Claire wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
Maybe you should have asked this
in another thread.
another user posted about
hooking up with a 51 y/o
and the replies weren’t condemning
🤷🏾‍♀️

Yeah I cant speak for the op but I draw the line there. I've hung out with ppl 40+ but like dating lol no if you could pass for my parent not interested.

My 51 year old coworker keeps offering triana and I to room with him but when riley (23 year old male) asked he declined. That's fucking weird. But I'm probs a hypocrite.

Also I'm not opposed to the objection. Just acidreflux b/c I think they're arguing in bad faith and letting their sexually conservative views bias them, but I don't think anyone else is misrepresenting me and lots of good things to consider have been brought up from the opposing party.

i genuinely beleive that the half your age plus seven rule is the way to go with this shit lmao

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:
Do they wanna do stuff w u or is it just u that u know of that wants to do anything

As friends? Yeah. We've hung out together a few times outside work, they invited me to a ween concert they wanted to go to with a friend (tho it cancelled) and they also said I could hang out with them on the fourth if my date flaked but like they didnt message me but yeah. Oh and we apartment hunt together.

Sexually? No. Not as far as I can tell. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were the one making the move you know? But they are also a very shy person

Yes I agree, thats what I wanted to say, cus if they initiate it n u haven't tried pursuing them etc, its kind of more their own decision, but if they don't give any hints or anything to u, and u pursue them, it can b seen more as grooming etc just cus ur so much older and it will b "creepier" in a sense if u get

MissLondon
World Famous

MissLondon wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

MissLondon wrote:
Maybe you should have asked this
in another thread.
another user posted about
hooking up with a 51 y/o
and the replies weren’t condemning
🤷🏾‍♀️

Yeah I cant speak for the op but I draw the line there. I've hung out with ppl 40+ but like dating lol no if you could pass for my parent not interested.

My 51 year old coworker keeps offering triana and I to room with him but when riley (23 year old male) asked he declined. That's fucking weird. But I'm probs a hypocrite.

Also I'm not opposed to the objection. Just acidreflux b/c I think they're arguing in bad faith and letting their sexually conservative views bias them, but I don't think anyone else is misrepresenting me and lots of good things to consider have been brought up from the opposing party.

Ok I have to read this thread in it’s entirety
due to the continued mention of acidflux

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:

heist wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

heist wrote:
woah this is the one issue vp gets puritanical about lol

honestly my bigger objection is that they're your coworker tbh even if you're going to quit they're kind of like embedded in your current and maybe ongoing social circle which makes casual *** tricky

Fortunately they are not embedded in my circle. Like I've said before I dont typically hang out with ppl that young. We developed a friendship by chance. So if we did hook up after I quit I dont think itd be an issue.

I dated and moved in with a coworker (he was a year younger than me). The drama was terrible, especially since we broke up while still working together. Never again.

yeah i'd still say it might be hard to keep things casual if you're already friends like claire was saying you start fucking someone and your brain has a funny way of running away with things no matter how hard you try but that's a risk you take having sex with anyone 19 or not

Yeah like that's what worries me

I feel like at 19 you are still discovering yourself. You should be experimenting, exploring, and figuring shit out. That's what I did at 19. I certainly wasnt ready to settle.

So they're young, far more inexperienced than me, and have all the time in the world to develop and try new things. I am not high up on the academic and career ladder for my age, yet I have far more sexual and dating experiences. So could this truly be fair?

Yeah I could try to make it casual but if they fall hard, it could be an issue, since it might be better for them to also experiment with people like them who are still learning and exploring sex and relationships and not settle with me lol

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:
Do they wanna do stuff w u or is it just u that u know of that wants to do anything

As friends? Yeah. We've hung out together a few times outside work, they invited me to a ween concert they wanted to go to with a friend (tho it cancelled) and they also said I could hang out with them on the fourth if my date flaked but like they didnt message me but yeah. Oh and we apartment hunt together.

Sexually? No. Not as far as I can tell. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were the one making the move you know? But they are also a very shy person

Yes I agree, thats what I wanted to say, cus if they initiate it n u haven't tried pursuing them etc, its kind of more their own decision, but if they don't give any hints or anything to u, and u pursue them, it can b seen more as grooming etc just cus ur so much older and it will b "creepier" in a sense if u get

Yeah that's the thing, at that age you dont know what you want tbh and you gotta figure stuff out on your own terms to truly know

I know what I want. So it might be harder to ensure they would really be doing this for themselves and not for me.

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
As friends? Yeah. We've hung out together a few times outside work, they invited me to a ween concert they wanted to go to with a friend (tho it cancelled) and they also said I could hang out with them on the fourth if my date flaked but like they didnt message me but yeah. Oh and we apartment hunt together.

Sexually? No. Not as far as I can tell. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were the one making the move you know? But they are also a very shy person

Yes I agree, thats what I wanted to say, cus if they initiate it n u haven't tried pursuing them etc, its kind of more their own decision, but if they don't give any hints or anything to u, and u pursue them, it can b seen more as grooming etc just cus ur so much older and it will b "creepier" in a sense if u get

Yeah that's the thing, at that age you dont know what you want tbh and you gotta figure stuff out on your own terms to truly know

I know what I want. So it might be harder to ensure they would really be doing this for themselves and not for me.

I think you basically nailed the thing I was uncomfortable with but couldn't quite pinpoint actually

Private
Popstar

ouch wrote:

Anachronism wrote:

ouch wrote:

Anachronism wrote:
As friends? Yeah. We've hung out together a few times outside work, they invited me to a ween concert they wanted to go to with a friend (tho it cancelled) and they also said I could hang out with them on the fourth if my date flaked but like they didnt message me but yeah. Oh and we apartment hunt together.

Sexually? No. Not as far as I can tell. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were the one making the move you know? But they are also a very shy person

Yes I agree, thats what I wanted to say, cus if they initiate it n u haven't tried pursuing them etc, its kind of more their own decision, but if they don't give any hints or anything to u, and u pursue them, it can b seen more as grooming etc just cus ur so much older and it will b "creepier" in a sense if u get

Yeah that's the thing, at that age you dont know what you want tbh and you gotta figure stuff out on your own terms to truly know

I know what I want. So it might be harder to ensure they would really be doing this for themselves and not for me.

Yep yep, I still would find it to b a moral dilemma if they initieated it first, but, the second option def more bad just cus it makes more way for manipulation and stuff like that, even tho it isn't ur intention

Anachronism
National Star

Anachronism wrote:
Also I have some thoughts on this whole FwB thing

At 23 I was "fwb" with a dude 10 years older. He was a serious alcoholic and had troubles with homelessness in the past and struggled to keep steady employment. He was also a clinical narcissist

I went thru a horrible break up and had low self esteem and was struggling 4 money in a shitty apartment and I think he took advantage of that. He always said "dont fall in love with me." And I knew he wasnt the type to marry so itd be fun right cuz he was hot?

Oh honey. I was so so into him, and so in denial cuz I knew he was bad for me but I had serious feelings.

I mean yeah I would encourage triana to date others, build more experience beyond me, but I can't control their feelings and it's hard to process them at that age.

Fuck even at 23 it was hard for me. I think even 23 is still just a baby. I had such a want to fix dysfunctional men that I'm outgrowing.

So yeah... this is still a really really tricky one. Theres a reason I keep hesitating. Once again ty everyone 4 the input

Djinn
National Star

djinn wrote:
My BF is 8 yrs younger than me lmao. Feels like a bad decision sometimes, but it is what it is. I don't regret it. Anyway feel free to PM me anytime haha