cobain wrote:
with some guidance and adivce from a friend i ended up writing
"I don't want you to think I've pretended or that this has been easy for me. I understand you're confused, I probably would've been too.
I needed to do this for my own sake. I've said that before, but really, I needed to put me and my needs first. The more time has passed the more I've felt that I need to be alone for real. Like, take care of myself and only myself, think of me and only me. The days I spent alone wasn't enough. Because I was never really alone for real. It's hard to explain because I can't really put my finger on it myself, but that I want and need to be alone is the main thing here. It also didn't feel right to continue when I no longer saw a future with us two. I hate saying that, it feels fucking horrible. But it wouldn't be right to neither of us to continue then.
I've been sad and I've missed you a lot these 2 weeks, but at the same time I have felt that this was the right decision now that I've been able to be independent. This is what I need, sadly.
I have wondered every single day how you are and how you're holding up, but I didn't want to ask because I wanted to give you space. But trust me, I have thought of you SO much and wondered.
It IS hard to rewire your brain. Really fucking hard even. But you have to give it time, both of us have to give it time. And I don't want to forget this year. It has been so fucking beautiful, I hope you know that."
like idk if this was good in any way, maybe it's gonna become chaotic as fuck
i just want him to be okay but i know that no matter what i say he won't be ok. only time is needed