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| Pre-contest 2021 |
| Albania - Anxhela Peristeri - Karma Do not care about this song at all. It just exists. Australia: Montaigne - Technicolour Montaigne is the living evidence that you can be able to sing and also not be able to sing at all simultaneously. I’m completely undecided, can she sing or is this just a human bagpipe? To be fair, I like bagpipes. Do I like this? No. It makes no sense, and the instrumental part is nothing but noise. Austria: Vincent Bueno - Amen Sure, it’s a ballad. I don’t really like ballads. But a part of me kinda likes this, probably due to his seemingly strong vocals. I’m not going to be upset if it doesn’t qualify, and I’m not going to be angry if it does. It’s okay. Azerbaijan: Efendi - Mata Hari Not only is this song trash, but the Azerbaijani fans on social media piss me off so much I hope for the worst possible outcome for them. Belgium: Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place Do I love this? Absolutely. Does it belong in this contest? Absolutely not. This is a song I’m going to listen to for years, but it’s not going to do well in the contest, and a lot of people are salty about them not wanting to sing along to the horrible joke the 1997 winning song was. I’m sorry UK but Love Shine A Light is objectively shit. Anyway, I like this song. Bulgaria: Victoria - Growing Up Is Getting Old Of the two alleged Billie Eilish clones, this is the one I prefer. The song is okay, I guess. The other songs she released are better. Croatia: Albina - Tick-Tock Should have been in Croatian. Sorry, the betrayal is too great. I hate it in English. When it’s in English you hear how exceptionally bad the lyrics are. Bad. It lost what made it charming, even if some of it is kept in Croatian, it is unforgivable. Cyprus: Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo This is what you get when you order Lady Gaga on wish. Nice shampoo advertisement… Czechia: Benny Cristo - omaga Don’t like it. Don’t want to talk about it. Denmark: Fyr & Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden Bless Denmark for sending something else. Who cares if it ends up with no points or whatever, do your own thing and have fun. I think it’s a decent song, I find myself listening to it. And I need to just stress: I hate Danish. But I actually like this song. It’s just a nice, happy song. Estonia: Uku Suviste - The Lucky One Usually I’m biased, usually I really love Estonia in Eurovision to a degree where I wonder if my brain thinks I’m from Estonia. But this? This is such a disappointment. It’s a boring song. And I watched the national final, hoping my boy Jüri Pootsmann would win with his .. just chef’s kiss song but no. No. Estonia!! WHY!! We could have been blessed with a modern song in Estonian but no, let’s send some boring English joke instead. Finland: Blind Channel - Dark Side I love this. Absolutely love this. Fantastic. Masterpiece. Even if it wins it is underrated. I have no words, I just really love this. The live performance at UMK was just so breathtaking, I hope Finland gets a top 10 finish with this. France: Barbara Pravi - Voilà This is just so extremely French. I love it. The first time I listened to it I was completely taken aback by how extremely captivating it is. Georgia: Tornike Kipiani - You I don’t know what I think. I’m undecided. Maybe not fit for Eurovision, but it’s honestly not bad. Germany: Jendrik - I Don’t Feel Hate Maybe Jendrik doesn’t feel hate. But I do. And a lot of it. Please make it stop before I make it stop. The worst part of it is how catchy it is. I hate that. Greece: Stefania - Last Dance Nothing special really, I’m assuming it’ll end up in the middle of it all. It doesn’t stand out in a bad or good way, it just exists. Iceland: Daði Freyr & Gagnamagnið The song they tried to represent Iceland with in 2017 when they somehow lost to literal trash is the best song they’ve made. And then it has gradually worsened. This is worse than what they were going to send last year. But by all means, I loved the 2020 song. This is just.. I don’t know. Underwhelming. Ireland: Lesley Roy - Maps I want Ireland to be permanently barred from entering the contest. Stop sending generic pop songs. If this qualifies I’ll die from a heart attack caused by shock. Israel: Eden Alene - Set Me Free No, set ME free. But by all means, this is significantly better than the song Israel won with in 2018, so if the contest is about the best song winning, lmao. Italy: Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni I don’t even have the appropriate vocabulary to express how much I love this song. Every single year we are gifted with masterpiece after masterpiece from Italy and what do we give back? Nothing, it’s a joke. It is time for Italy to win, it is long overdue! And the Sanremo performance with the orchestra? It’s enough to make a man religious. Latvia - Samantha Tina - The Moon is Rising It sounds like something I’ve heard before, but worse and more boring. Lithuania: The Roop - Discoteque No thanks. It’s like the same song as last year except worse. It’s not horrible but it’s not great and I can do fine without hearing it, and honestly it shouldn’t be longer than 40 seconds because it is just too much like it is right now. This is probably going to be the next Willow Smith - Whip My Hair thing in my head so I’ll suffer until I die or forget everything. Malta: Destiny - Je Me Casse I like this. I’m okay if this wins. However, if it wins while my favourites finish close to winning, I’m going to be disappointed. I genuinely like this. Not a bad thing to say. But if Malta wins while Italy finishes in top 5 I’m going to be upset for days. Not boycott level upset, but just upset. Moldova: Natalia Gordienko - SUGAR It’s okay. The Netherlands: Jeangu Macrooy - Birth Of A New Age Bless the Netherlands for sending something to represent the diversity there. However, they have also actively ensured they won’t have to host the 2022 competition. North Macedonia: Vasil - Here I Stand I’m happy to hear that he can stand, but here I sleep. Stop sending boring songs. Impressive vocals, boring song. Norway: TIX - Fallen Angel I’d prefer if the song was in Norwegian, it is significantly better in Norwegian. However, it’s not bad. I do like this. I don’t care, it’s not biased from being a Norwegian citizen. It’s cheesy in the right way. Poland: RAFAL - The Ride The song is called the ride, but is it really? Hmm. No. Portugal: The Black Mamba - Love is on My Side I honestly don’t dislike it. Romania: ROXEN - Amnesia She thinks she is Billie Eilish. And she isn’t. Russia: Manizha - Russian Woman At least it’s in Russian, love me some language diversity. I think Russian is exciting to listen to. The song is mediocre, which is actually good this year because most songs are shit. It’s either in my top ten or close to it. I’m not going to sit down and listen to it, but I will probably not escape to the bathroom to avoid dealing with its existence. San Marino: Senhit - Adrenalina Is this a good song? Ish. Will San Marino qualify to the final? Most likely. I think this is going to be the highest they have ever finished in Eurovision. I wholeheartedly disagree when people say it is the best San Marino has sent, because their 2008 entry holds a special place in my heart. Serbia: Hurricane - LOCO LOCO Well, Serbia likes the song. I don’t think the rest of Europe (at least outside the former Yugoslav countries) will. Slovenia: Ana Soklic - Amen Dear God or whatever to refer to you as if you exist, why do you continue to test us like this. Isn’t life dreadful enough as it is? Is it enjoyable to see us suffer like this. This is so boring, stop draining my energy, God, please listen. Amen. Spain: Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme I’m in Spain but the S is silent. Sweden: Tusse - Voices Even with a million voices, God does not hear our prayers and we keep suffering. We keep having boring shit thrown at us. This is like Oscar Zia’s Human but bad. Don’t get me wrong, sure Tusse can sing. But should this song be sung? Switzerland - Gjon’s Tears - Tout l’Univers This song is massively overrated. I just can’t bring myself to like it, it just drains my energy. Usually I’m weak for French songs but this is just not it. At all. And the worst part is that people think it will win. Why!? Please explain it to me because it’s just no thanks. Ukraine: Go_A - Shum I intended on listening to every song, at least some of it, while writing these. I couldn’t. Just the thought of listening to this makes me feel uneasy. I hate it. I absolutely despise it. If it qualifies for the final, I’ll have to ask my friend if we can mute the TV while this is on because I just cannot deal with this at all. United Kingdom: James Newman - Embers You can tell that the UK is like lol why bother we always qualify. This, as all other songs they’ve sent since forever, would not have qualified if it had to compete in the semis. But, it is the best song they’ve sent in years. |
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