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| BOOKS • 2023 reads |
| Spoilers are coloured in white and written between brackets (Spoiler: ) to make them visible by scrolling through. There are content warnings to some extent written where I deem them necessary, but no censoring of the actual phrasing in case anyone wants to filter specific words out. T h e s e t u p This year, I plan on reading minimum 12 books and over 5.000 pages. My initial goal at the beginning of the month stood at half of that, but considering how much fun I had taking up reading again and how fast I rolled through my most hesitant prognosis, I decided to up the ante a little bit. The goal is probably still too low to pose a real challenge, but I'm not looking for an additional way to make my life harder, but a fun way to see how far I can go. I track my reading both on StoryGraph and in Notion, since I build myself a little gamification system. If anyone is interested in the template, shoot me a message. T h e g o a l b o o k s 11 / 12 read p a g e s 2.753 / 5.000 read M a r c h ▹ On Repeat: How Music Plays the Mind (2013) by Elizabeth Hellmuth Margulis read: 14.03. - | 9% ▹ Sex in a Coffin (2013) by Lynda Hilburn read: 14.03. | ★★☆☆☆ I did not realise things could get this bad... Let's just say, even more weirdly unerotic porn (this might just be me though, reviews online suggest I'm not the only one thinking so, but also not everyone agrees with me - it's a mixed bag is what I'm saying) and Devereux somehow become more stupid and inept than he was in the first book. The story is meant to be set between the first and second book of the series, just as a little teaser until the second installment got published about a year later. But it very much feels like Hilburn either forgot who Devereux was and how he sounded, or she decided that additionally to her vampire-fetish, blood kink and assault phantasies, she now also wants nothing more than be sexually intimate with a socially inept nitwit. I miss Alan; sure, he was a himbo too, but at least he had a bit more brains and wasn't just riding the "I'm sexy and I know it" wave of ambiguous ancient european sex-appeal. (There is actually a fair bit of fetishisation of Europeans going on, but that's honestly a common trope for American romance and erotica novels, especially due to the class-phantasies "European culture" offers - this sounds terribly wrong, I'm just trying to find a way to say Americans seem get off on the idea of a European prince coming to elevate them from their boring regular life.) Also, there was just so much in my opinion pointless violence and murder in a obviously forced erotic setting (not forced as in coerced, but it felt forced upon me as the reader to acknowlegde that all the blood spilling is meant to be "sexy" ). There is this constant reminder that Kismet fears Devereux and his dangerous and violent nature while at the same time this is what makes him sexy - which would be ok, if she weren't so judgy towards people finding arousal in fear. It's just ... I don't know, it doesn't feel like the author realises what she's writing. Hey, that's another point this series has in common with R. L. James' 50 shades. Creativity truly is dead, huh. ▹ Until Death Do Us Part (2012) by Lynda Hilburn read: 14.03. | ★★★☆☆ I obviously love suffering, which is the only reason why I will finish this series and if it kills me. It might, so look forward to that. (I wonder if newspapers really print any epitaph you want. Because in that case mine should read "finally found peace after suffering through the stupidest of vampire porn she ever encountered".) So anyway, this is a very short short about Kismet, vampire psychologist and self-proclaimed Mary Sue, and two of her clients doing couples therapy. A lot of blood, a lot of adultery, even more stupid inner monologue. I'm just ... I mean it was kinda fun, but not really worth it to spend any more thought on the plot - or what little bit pretended to be plot. ▹ Boyfriend Material (2022) by Alexis Hall read: 11.03. - 14.03. | ★★★★★ First I found it really funny to see how I was being able to relate more to the love interest than the audience-insert protagonist. I even joked about it with a friend - who recommended me the book in the first place - and got back the reply "I absolutely get that you relate more to Oliver   ". So I felt a bit called out. But then the book progressed and we got to this lovely passage here."You're prissy and insecure and uptight and use pretentious language because you're afraid of making mistakes. You're so controlling you keep your bananas on a separate hook and such a god-awful people pleaser that it borders on self-destructive. Which is weird because you're so convinced you know what's best for everybody-and it never occurs to you to actually ask them. You're smug, patronising, and adhere rigidly to a set of ethics I don't think you've thought through anywhere near as well as you pretend you have. [...]" - Chapter 52, Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall Let's just say that I did cry at that moment and not because of the plot point, but because I have never in my life been that confronted with my loudest inner demons. And then Tumblr decided to play prophetic visionary (like it always does in my life; it's kinda scary, but I love that my dash just knows where I'm at in my life and tries to be helpful in an untterly unhelpful way) and showed me this post:  So yeah, life's been great. Nonetheless, a really fun book, enjoyable and fast read and I'm definitely looking forward to reading the next two books in the series, beginning with Husband Material in April. ▹ Frankenstein (1818 ) von Mary Shelley gelesen: 06.03. - 11.03. | ★★☆☆☆ I don't know what people have with this book. I'm sure it's something some people may enjoy, but honestly, not for me. Maybe it was because I was already struggling so much with reading it - I read the French version and I haven't seen those tenses since I left school - maybe I didn't enjoy this epistolarian retelling kind of writing. I can't exactly pinpoint it. I understand why it's a classic, but since classics don't have to be good or enjoyable, I'm very much ok with putting it in that category and say it was ok and never touch it again. The book actually migrated into the box we're going to take on a book faire to sell come summer. F e b r u a r y ▹ Honey & Spice (2022) by Bolu Babalola read: 18.02. - 28.02. | ★★★★★ - ♥ So far my absolute favourite book this year. If I could, I'd give it 6 out of 5 stars. I mean I can, it's me doing the rating system, but using more than 100% to rate something goes against my core belief of how ratings work, so it will have to surfice adding a little heart to it to really show my love for the book. So this book very much felt like something all of my fanfiction journey has prepared me for. I know people look down on how fanfiction shapes the reading experience of the youth, yadda yadda, something about the loss of quality and an arrogant classist approach to reading I don't enjoy perpetuating because it's just wrong. This book and what it made me feel is just the proof that understanding books on the same level as fanfiction gets classified and tagged can make for a very specialised and personalised experience. And screw all those who think books don't need a proper tagging system. They do, there's just way too many books out there to leave the choice of a good book to the fates. So long story short, this had everything I enjoyed: enemies to lovers (in a sense), fake-dating (hell yeah!), a very rational view on relationships and love (love to see it) and a surprisingly sensitive but not overly soft understanding of what I'll just call relationship-trauma (not purely in a romantic sense, but encompassing all relationships a person can have). Also, I seriously enjoyed the handling of the smut. It's rare I actually enjoy how it's written, but this constant communication about feelings, expectations and how to handle telationships and people. Oh, my heart felt like melting! Also, the writing was just pure poetry. My favourite quote by a landslide is this one and it totally unmasks my romantic heart: What if the butterflies flew too close to the edge of my stomach, so he could see the imprints of their wings pressed up against my skin? - Chapter 11, Honey and Spice by Bolu Babalola I mean, come on, I sighed out loud when reading this and for a tiny second forgot that my aromantic brain doesn't actually give me emotions like these. But I still felt it vicariously, understanding the tentative excitement-anxiety-joy-nervousness cocktail that give this very specific flavour to the first breaths of a budding love. ▹ Wordwatching: Breaking into the Dictionary (2010) by Alex Horne read: 27.01. - 20.02. | ★★★★★ So, this was a bollo read! I kinda got in touch with Alex Horne's humour through his work on Taskmaster (don't know what this is? Oh please do yourself a favour and check it out. Nearly all of the old seasons are available for most countries on Youtube and the show is just peak comedy!) and thought it may be something I enjoy. And most certainly I did. This little project to honour one's TK-day is honestly the best and it encouraged me to go on a mental safari and find one for my TK-day celebration as well. For anyone wondering, I have about half a year left, which is similar to Horne's time he had. For anyone who enjoys words, plays on words and has a mischievous streak when it comes to the use of words, I absolutely recommend this book. J a n u a r y ▹ Punk 57 (2016) by Penelope Douglas read: 21.01. - 31.01. | ★★★★☆ Honestly, a fairly enjoyable read. We read it on the German VP Bookclub and though all of us anticipated something completely different based on the title, I think it was a fair hit. Overall, I really enjoy how the characters show depth. The multi-view writing offers a lot of insight into the characters and their actions without always explaining everything in grand detail. You can take their actions and often conflicting feelings at face value or you can put in a little bit of interpretation work and think about why the characters may act like they do. There is a lot of pain and emotional turmoil in the book and while I didn't particularly like the emotional journey the book put me through in regards to my own life and past in similar albeit completely different situations, I could appreciate seeing situations like these in a different light and understanding why people act like they do. Though I never specifically lashed out at someone just to make them hurt in the hope of this hurt alleviating my own pain, I understand why people may do it. I understand why people act wrongfully to situations when they feel like their life is spinning away from them and the little semblance of power they had is leaving them. I know how intoxicating it can feel to pretend like people like you and hang out with you for your own sake, meanwhile they're mocking you behind your back and just have you around to keep their source of entertainment close. I know the anger and frustration these situations create and how you're unable to be yourself, but also cannot be someone you're not. I may have been reading too much into the whole book though. And that's fair too. Art isn't just what the artist wanted to create. Once it's out there and people interact with it, it also becomes part of them and their interpretation. And while it may not be the interpretation the artist had in mind, that does not take away from the agency of the viewers to see the world differently and with their own past, present and future in mind. The sex was really badly written though. I know, they're just teenagers and probably only know about sex based on porn and similarly poorly written books. But goddamn, it's just bland, repetitive and really, there's just so many times you can laugh at a guy getting all hot and bothered by someone sitting in his lap and trying to hit on that person with the most idiotic pick-up lines ever. Also, I was not ready for the whole "he's an asshole, but gosh is he hot" and "she's so stupid, but damn that body" - this just isn't my jam. I feel like either most books have a crappy representation of sexual thought, or this is just the next step in my affirmation journey concerning my asexuality. ▹ Invisible Women (2019) by Caroline Criado Pérez read: 09.09 - 26.01. | ★★★★☆ I have a lot of feelings about this one and it's difficult. Generally speaking (and ignoring basically the biggest issue most have with this book), I really liked it. It offers a great first place to get in touch with feminist issues on a statistical level. The hidden inequalities in our lives and societies as a whole, not limited to specific countries and showing how the same struggles translate into different socio-economic and cultural categories. Not all of the information was news to me, but even I had a lot of eye-opening moments of "huh, never thought of that, it actually does make sense to factor this in". Nonetheless, I have to comment about the laughable irony of a book meant to show the glaring data gap of one group of people while nearly completely ignoring a whole subsection of this group. I am in no position to decide whether the author actually is part of the radfem/terf group or just got dragged into it by radfems, terfs and other transphobes using the book as an excuse to gather allies. But that doesn't make me any more sad about the fact, that the author goes to great lengths talking about the exclusion of women in day-to-day life and in just a side note says that the data situation is even more abysmal when it comes to trans women and goes on pretending like trans women don't exist for the sake of the argument. I realise that this is how academic writing is done - you can't write or speculate about something you have no data about. You declare the lack of data and then move on - but considering this book seemed very much reformed for cultural reading, I feel like adding an addendum on the topic wouldn't have hurt anyone. The only way this faux-pas would be redeemable in my opinion - not that mine counts, but I still have one - is if the author comes up with a similar book integrating or exclusively discussing the topic of data blindness when it comes to trans women (and in that case trans men and non-binary people would be a great addition as well, considering they don't belong into the generic "default human" pattern of the cis-man that statistics love to use) in our society. ▹ Dash and Lily's Book of Dares (2010) by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan read: 31.12. - 19.01. | ★★★★☆ This book is genuinely sweet and fun. The characters are very snobby and pretentious and they definitely act like children who pretend to be all grown-up because they now are past the age of 16 and basically mini-adults in their own vision. But that doesn't take away from a plot I really liked with some great funny moments that had me laughing out loud. It's a sweet christmas story and I cannot wait to read the other two books in the series come december this year. ▹ The Vampire Shrink (2007) by Lynda Hilburn read: 04.01. - 20.01. | ★★★☆☆ I read the book a first time way back in 2009 at the tender age of 13. Was I way too young to have been reading this? Absolutely; my parents forgot to monitor what I was reading after I was forbidden to read Anne Frank's diary before the age of 12. After that, it was pretty much the wild west for me and there have been some very dubious choices. I still wonder whether I liked the book more back then because I was still a child and had no clue about anything (especially sexual relationships) or because the german translation is doing legwork from here to Timbuktu. But since I don't plan on re-reading the German version, we'll never know. This is pure and unadulterated smut - and not even well written one at that. I mean, it's fun in places and you definitely bang your head on the nearest surface every damn time you get confronted with the main character's train of thought - which is just ... I mean people make fun of the inner monologue in 50 shades and how it was the first bad inner monolgue since ever. Clearly an exaggeration or none of them ever read this book, because boy does it offer competition. I definitely feel a lot of sympathy for himbo Alan, who just can't compete with a vampiric god. He tries though and it's kinda sweet. (I don't really deem this a spoiler considering the great lengths the book takes to show just how much of an inferior man Alan is compared to Devereux. You see this one coming from the cover on.) The porn is ok-ish. It's not really my cup of tea and just like the short meant to be set before the events of this book, there is a in my opinion poor management of the whole power dynamics / dub-con vs non-con thing. It's very likely a wish-fulfillment read for the author, so tread with caution if this is not for you. ▹ Devereux: The Night before Kismet (2012) by Lynda Hilburn read: 04.01. | ★★★☆☆ The first book in the quite unimaginatively named Kismet Knight, Ph.D., Vampire Psychologist series about a Mary Sue psychotherapist who falls in lust with a Gary Stu vampire overlord. This series is very much *what is says on the tin*. This short was retro-fit into the telling of the actual story and is nothing more than gratuitous filler for a collection of basically vampire porn. It's not even good-written porn - or at least it doesn't do what it's supposed to to me - but nonetheless quite a fun read once you decide that mediocre smut about a potentially depressed centenarian and the ploy of his not-really-friends-maybe-allies to set him up with women christmas-carol-style can offer some respite during these stressfull times. (Well, it's my stressfull times and I had a laugh at the whole thing, so I guess it at least did something for me.) Fair warning: quite a clumsy approach to non-con and rape built on the very shaky moral grounds set by the characters (Spoiler: basically the protagonist being ok with getting assaulted as long as he gets an orgasm out of it, no matter how reluctantly, but turning into full-on rage monster once confronted with the emprisonment and rape of other people and taking revenge) |
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